Oh Hayy Throwback Thursday!

 

For those of you non-savvy, instagraming, techno literate folk I'll help you out on this one. Every Thursday instagrammers, facebookers, and tweeters alike take a little time to reminisce on the good times (or not so good times) and upload pictures from back in the day (hence "throwback”). For some, this is a rare (and by rare I mean weekly) opportunity to show the world those skinny day pictures from high school or how tan and good looking you were in the summer. And hey, I'm not complaining, I would rather shoot a photo of me into cyber space where I wasn’t the color of dry wall paste any day. However, this is only acceptable Internet behavior on Thursdays. Which happens to be today, by the way.

This morning, as I was eating my bowl of blueberry oatmeal and drinking my green tea, I flipped through some old facebook albums (yea this could be considered facebook stalking myself. . . whatever we all do it!) and came across one from the summer after my junior year in high school. It's titled "The BEST week of my life. WiNdY GaP 07." Yep. Exactly like that. I thought the alternating capital and lower case lettering was left in the past of our AIM away messages, apparently not.

Anyway, that's really not important. What is important is how awesome it felt to be thrown back into that week of my life. That literally was and still is to this day the best week of my life. It's the week I met Jesus, like really met him, hugged him, and held his hand. The whole shebang. It was a rough week. I remember a lot of crying, and hugs from my awesome Young Life leader, Cali Bolinger. There definitely was a lot of laughing and smiling too, but it was a scary time for me to say the least. To give into believing in something I had been running away from and questioning my whole life was a big step. The biggest step I've ever taken. I would actually consider it like a leap. . . over the Grand Canyon. Yikes holy bikes.

Since I accepted Christ into my life I have always really resonated with the story of Peter walking on water. And this isn't just because I would like to do so, as well (though it would be pretty cool). For those of you who aren't familiar I'll paraphrase for you:

Basically, one night the disciples were all in this boat and all of the sudden Jesus came walking towards them literally on the water. They all became really freaked out and thought it was a ghost. However, Jesus proclaimed to them don’t be scurreddd, it's me! Peter said in return, if it's really you then tell me to come walk toward you. So Jesus did just so. Peter began to walk on the water as well, but as the wind became strong he became scared and started to sink. Jesus grabbed him and said, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Eventually they all got back in the boat like one big happy family and the disciples began to worship him saying, "Truly you are the son of God." If you would like the real version, I suggest you flip to Matthew 14:22-32.

The reason I feel so connected toward this story is because it kind of describes my leap over the Grand Canyon. I remember calling out to Jesus so many times in my life saying, "If you're real, if you really exist show yourself. . . do something incredible. . . make me believe." But when things didn’t go my way, or the wind started to blow in the wrong direction I would doubt and convince myself the whole "Bible, Jesus, God thing" was just a fad; or rather, something to help make death seem less scary. But I was overlooking so much. I was such a fool to ask God to do something incredible. It kind of makes me laugh that I asked the guy who created the world. . . to show me something cool. Like, really Kathryn what more could he have done at the point?  I can imagine him now calling to me just as he did with Peter, "You of little faith, why do you doubt?"

And I have a simple answer for that question. I doubted because I was scared. I was scared that if I started believing in God then I would have to give up all these things that I loved. And in addition to that I would have to start being a better person and obeying all these rules. What I didn’t know was that accepting the love of Christ into your life doesn't force you to do anything. I would argue that the benefits highly outweigh any costs that I have endured since embarking on this journey. I know this is strange, but sometimes I like to relate my acceptance of Christ to Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies. . .

Who doesn't love a Cosmic Brownie? I remember getting so excited when I would pack one in my lunch in high school (#fatgirlprobs. . . I know). But then I remember being like 10x more excited when I would pack a homemade from scratch, yummy, tummy, gooey, ooey brownie in my lunch (#reallyfatgirlprobs). And I account it to this: Look on the back of a Little Debbie box and please read the ingredients. Really. . . go do it, I know you have some in your pantry. And if you don't I'll help you:

Enriched Bleached Flour Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate [Vitamin B1], Riboflavin [Vitamin B2], Folic Acid), Corn Syrup, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean and Cottonseed Oil with TBHQ to Preserve Flavor, Sugar, Dextrose, Water, Cocoa, Contains 2% or Less of Each of the Following: Candy Toppers (Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips [Sugar, Chocolate, Cocoa Butter, Soy Lecithin, Vanilla Extract], Sugar, Corn Starch, Titanium Dioxide, Yellow 5 Lake, Yellow 6 Lake, Red 3, Blue T Lake, Blue 2 Lake, Gum Arabic, Confectioner's Glaze, Carnauba Wax, Milk), High Fructose Corn Syrup, Whey, Eggs, Emulsifiers (Soy Lecithin, Mono- and Diglycerides), Corn Starch, Salt, Leavening (Sodium Aluminum Phosphate, Baking Soda), Colors (Caramel Color, Red 40, Titanium Dioxide), Soybean Oil Natural and Artificial Flavors, Palm and Palm Kernel Oil, Egg Whites, Citric Acid, S0r6ic Acid (to Retain Freshness).

Yep. Read it and weep people. Now, it’s not just the health and fitness fanatic inside me that is completeley grossed out by this list. Think about it, look at all the artificial, odd, chemical enhancing things that go into making one of those brownies. It is just weird to me that I used to consume those.

Now look at the ingredients of a homemade brownie. Or, if you want to walk on my wild health nut side look at the recipe for some whole wheat naturally sweetened brownies. It probably looks something like, whole wheat flour, eggs, honey, cocoa, vanilla, applesauce, and baking soda. Now that is a big difference.

The reason I explain all of this is because I learned that accepting Christ didn’t force me to give up anything that I was afraid I would have to give up. Rather it brought an abundance of new joys and desires into my heart. I was so worried of losing all of the artificial ingredients that my life was filled with. But what I got was a much better recipe for living. Now, I don’t eat Cosmic Brownies anymore for more than one reason. But even if I did, who could choose that over the latter? Not me. No way, no how. And that my friends is why today has been my favorite throw-back Thursday evaaaa!!!

 

Loving Your Neighbor

A couple weeks ago, I randomly opened up one of my favorite books, Crazy Love,  and began to dig into the genius words of Francis Chan. And wouldn't ya know that I began reading about what it means to truly love like Jesus. Which, I will confess, has proven to be a tremendous struggle in my walk.

Funny how Jesus has this way of shoving things in our face that we need. . . but honestly do not want to acknowledge. Touche my man.
 

I have learned that Jesus' love is more than just being kind and friendly to others, as well as "doing good." The love of The Lord encapsulates the tough stuff, too. After all, sinners love their friends and sinners love those who do good to them. So how can we differentiate ourselves and truly embody what it looks and feels like to love as The Man who loves like no other?

We all have heard over and over to love thy neighbor blah blah, your enemies, and so on. But I mean, come on. . . who actually does that. Love your enemy? You're joking right? The last thing I want to do to my enemies is love them. Let's get real, when someone does something to hurt me, my initial reaction most of the time is, "What can I do to retaliate?"

We are also called to love and expect nothing in return. This is a trillion times harder to do than to say. A lot of times, humans are conditioned to respond based on rewards and punishments. (Am I bringing back memories of Pysch 101??) Well, if I try to love someone and continually receive nothing in return, and granted sometime get hurt along the way, why on God's green Earth would I continue to love on them?
 In the words of Chan:

 "True faith is loving a person after he has hurt you. True love makes you stand out. . .It is just this sort of love that is crazy to the world: true love, a kind found nowhere but through Christ."
 

To be honest, loving like Jesus sometimes seems impossible. I consider myself a pretty nice person who tries her best to be all inclusive, non judgemental and welcoming. But our society has a way of unintentionally labeling, grouping, and separating ourselves into categories. I don't believe we explicitly do this to put a wedge in between any two groups of people. More so, I believe it helps us make sense of the terribly confusing world we live in. Nevertheless, who is to say that the poor man on the corner selling that dang newspaper is any less deserving of my love than my best friend? The truth is that we all need love and we all want love. The bigger truth is that we all have the capacity to show love to everyone we encounter. It just comes down to a matter of stripping away our own insecurities and trusting The Lord.


As a nation of believers and followers of Christ, it is our responsibility to deliver The Word through our actions. Jesus did not just show love to those who were nice to him. He loved the ones who betrayed, ridiculed, and tortured him. True love means giving to those who cannot and will not return the favor.

Chan touches on this saying:

"People who are Obsessed with Jesus give freely and openly, without censure. Obsessed people love those who hate them and who can never love them back."

As Christians, sometimes we have to do things that frankly, do not make sense.

I suppose my challenge for this week, and every week hereafter, is to stop conditionally loving people. It really isn't an option anymore for me to pick and choose who I love. I knew when I made my decision to start a journey with Jesus there would be some things I encountered that would not come easy. But hey, I guess there could be worse things in life, right?

Is loving your neighbor the secret to life???

 

Summer Fling

The past two months have been pretty darn amazing. I recently just graduated college and am currently in the limbo stages of undergrad to graduate school. I decided that this summer I would just take time off and be free to do whatever I wanted before becoming a full time grad student with no time, money, or brain power left to function. This may have been one of the best decisions I have ever made, second to ordering the whole wheat blueberry pancakes at Fido in Nashville.

I could not wait to get this summer underway. I imagined my friends and I all going out every weekend, living like celebrities, meeting new people, and maybe even having a couple summer flings  before jet setting back to reality when August would roll around. Life never actually happens how we imagine it though.

If you know me at all, you fully understand when I say I have an extremely hard time being quiet. Nevertheless, this summer I endured a lot of unexpected "quiet time." Which is weird for me because I literally could be content talking to a rock. However, there is only so much talking to the wall you can do when all your friends have jobs and you have a deaf dog. So, what did I do? I decided to pick back up a conversation I started with Jesus a long time ago.

I cannot even begin to describe how refreshing this was. Jesus is like one of those friends that you can go for years not talking to, but when you see him or her you can pick right back up where you left off. I absolutely love this about him. I'll be honest, I have a really hard time maintaining a constant balanced relationship with the J-Man. Luckily, I received a piece of advice that helped me rekindle my flame from a good friend at a bible study this summer. She challenged me to start talking to Jesus only when I actually want to not when I feel like I have to. This was awesome. I found myself wanting to spend more time with Him because it was no longer an obligation. I genuinely began to enjoy our time together and our conversations became two sided again. Sounds like an excerpt from a couples therapy session, doesn't it?

Well, maybe, just maybe, we should really start looking at our relationship with Christ this way. We put so much time and effort into perfecting and maintaining our humanly relationships every day. Why don't we do that with Jesus too? It's a question that shouldn't have to be asked. However, so many of us forget to work on the one relationship that trumps all others. The thing that really gets me here is that Jesus literally can't break up with you, he isn't going to stab you in the back and date your best friend, he would never cheat on you, and he sure is not going to be the one to file for divorce. We cannot go wrong with Him. This is a fact. This is the one relationship that, if we want it to, will remain constant for the entirety of our  lives.

It's puzzling to me why I will most likely spend hours and even days worrying and waiting for some jerk loser to text me. Yet, I can call up the most popular guy in the universe and he will answer before the phone even rings. Now, I'm not saying find the closest relationship counselor, knock on her door and start yelling I want to get back together with Jesus. But how about just being quiet and taking (in my case) a summer, or even just a weekend, to spark back up the fire that Jesus once had set in your heart. Jesus just wants you to want Him. And let's get real why would you not want to be in love with the most amazing, all powerful, merciful and just God that is and was and ever will be???

I guess what I am trying to say is my summer did not go totally like I had imagined. I did not go out every weekend, I felt nothing like a celebrity and it turns out I'm not leaving my summer fling when I go back to school. I'm taking Him with me and I could not be more excited!

So, could my summer vacation be the secret to life? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

If you get chilly, here take my sweater

I may be the coldest natured person that the Dear Lord Jesus has ever graced the planet with. And for that reason, ladies and gentlemen, I am the proud owner of over 25 sweaters. Yes, I said it, the secret is out. I am a sweater hoarder, and quite frankly, I'm ok with the whole situation. It is pretty convenient that I have a sweater to match every outfit that I will ever put on. And I can go over three weeks without wearing the same one twice. Seriously, I am living in a dream world!

I have come to know the true power of a good cardigan over the past couple years. If you think really hard and close your eyes, you can actually solve any problem by wrapping a sweater around it. Let's start with the basics:

"Oh, you look like you have the Goosebumps, here take my sweater" (problem solved).

"Excuse me sir but it looks like you were just shot, let me stop the bleeding with my old sweater" (check).

"Oh rip stick! I forgot my pillow on this 9 hour plane ride! Good thing I brought this sweater!" (Crisis averted)

You can also utilize our crocheted friends by stuffing it in the mouth of that annoying girl that sits in front of the classroom and refuses to shut her yap trap.

I mean, clearly, I could go on and on but I think that most of you are starting to get the picture. So, when things get rough and you don't know where to turn . . . should you turn to my closet? Can we really solve life's booboos and owies by wrapping ourselves up in a cotton-poly blend? I have got to admit, this is a tough one. I have been fast to throw icing on a burnt cake in the past. However, sometimes in life the quick fix isn't all it’s cracked up to be. For example, remember when I said you could stuff my sweater in that annoying girl’s mouth to keep her quiet? Yea, well, eventually she is going to spit the sweater back out. Then you are going to have a slobbery sweater and one really outspoken girl ready to let loose on you. NOT a good combination.

Now I have you all confused! So, what should you do the next time you get a little chilly? How about we ask the Big Man to wrap his loving arms around us! How simple does that sound?! He literally can solve any problem, heal any wound, and calm all the fears that are dwelling in your heart. All you have to do is ask. If you think about it, this really is a better deal that my sweater theory. He never goes out of style, and you can't leave him at home. The trick is (which really isn’t a trick at all) you have to have faith that Jesus can do it all.

"Faith is the yes of the heart, a confidence on which one stakes one's life." Martin Luther

"Faith in God is a wonderful commitment; it may come slowly or in a moment, but once it truly gets hold of us it changes just about everything" Extravagant Mercy by M. Craig Barnes

So, let your heart say YES to Jesus. My faith grows stronger each and every day. And even though I will continue to grow my sweater collection most likely for the rest of my life, my relationship with Jesus is growing faster and bigger than my closet could ever handle.
Now, go out this week leaving your sweaters, cardigans, jackets, hoodies, and pullovers at home and test this out for me so we can finally answer this burning question:

Are sweaters the secret to life?

How to be the perfect perfectionist

This week I am taking a class called "A workshop in Counseling procedures." It has been a great class and I have learned a lot not only about the art of a Motivational Interviewer but as a person. We were forced to do this completely awkward and anxiety provoking exercise where we took turns practicing the skills we learned on each other. We each had a turn to be the "patient" where we picked a small issue that we would like to work on to talk about. This could be anything from procrastination to exercising more. I picked to work on my perfectionism complex. I was asked if my perfectionism only dealt with academic responsibilities. I responded that no, I always try to do the best I can in any situation whether it was being the best daughter, the best sister, the best friend and so on. Later that day I was reflecting on the session and all the sudden I felt a bag of rocks hit me upside the head.
If I am so worried at being the best student and daughter, why would I not be trying to be the best Christian? Seriously, it didn't even cross my mind to say that during my session. Shouldn't the most important part of my life be the one thing I put the most effort towards? Sounds simple, I know!
I wonder if I stop putting so much pressure on myself to be the best at everything and put a little more effort into living a life full of Jesus then things would fall into place by themselves. One of the things I find most intriguing about my relationship with Jesus is that he knows my destiny and he still sits by my side and listens to me whine, complain, and push myself to the absolute limit trying to be the best version of myself. Must be pretty entertaining for Him! So, when will I realize that being perfect in His eyes, is simply being myself.

“As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him." 2Samuel 22:31

If I can figure out a way to take full refuge in The Lord and work on my relationship with my Best Friend a little more, then he in turn will provide more for me than I can ever do by working myself to extremes. This is so easy to say, but so hard to understand. I can't satisfy Jesus by making a 4.0 or being a size 2. However, I can satisfy him by having a heart full of His love.

"To all perfection I see a limit, but your commands are boundless." Psalm 119:96

I can only get so far on my own, but with The Lord I can do things unimaginable. I think I'll make it my goal this week to turn my perfectionism toward something else, somebody else. . . My merciful man upstairs!
So my perfect people. . .

Is perfectionism the secret to life? 

Mamma Said there would be days like this

Everyone from Mother Teresa to Heidi Klum has a bad day every once in awhile. I don't know when I realized this, maybe it was when my girl Britney broke down and shaved her golden locks off. . . I'm not totally sure. What I am sure of is, no one is an exception to the awful, terrible, no good, very bad day. So, what do we do when we get hit with one of these monsters? My first instinct is to just give up, throw in the towel, and make sure EVERYONE knows that today is not the day to mess with this cowgirl. But honestly, what good is that doing? By succumbing to the bad events that I experience I am basically saying that the things that happen to me, the bad grade, the wreck, fight with my (non existent) boyfriend, stubbed toe, or  uncooperative hair is bigger than me, and Him for that matter. But, what if, the next time something bad happens to us, we shout out a little hallelujah? I mean, how are we supposed to appreciate the good in life when we have nothing bad to compare it to? I would  never understand how great it feels to strut my stuff in front of a crowd if I have never busted it in the midst of about 40 people. . . right? Ok, that could be a stretch. But seriously, there has to be a bad day in order to have a good day or a FABULOUS day for that matter!So, next time you pop the button on your fat jeans or get stranded in the rain without an umbrella thank The GOOD Lord for showing you that life isn't perfect. . . and that is a Darn Good Thing!

Is having a bad day the secret to life?

A hold on my heart

Love is the mystery this week. Does this undefinable fairytale feeling solve all of life's tumultuous issues? I can't say that I am liable to answer this question. I say this because I have never been "In Love" in all of my long drawn out 21 years.
Does this bother me? Well, sometimes. Mainly when I visit family or old friends who pop the never-ending question, "Do you have a boyfriend, yet?"
"Well, no grandma, I don't thanks for rubbing that sore in for me."
And then the follow up, "Well, why not?"
This is where I want to say "Because I want to rot and be alone and miserable for the entirety of my life."
But instead I calmly go with the less facetious response of, "I don't know."
So, if I was to have found my knight in shining armor by now, would I have all my ducks in a row? I've always told myself, I know God is going to put the perfect man in my life at the right time. I know that I have to be fully stable in a relationship with Him in order to involve myself in a relationship with any ole random schmoo off the streets. But when I step back and evaluate my life thus far, I realize that I live a pretty awesome life that is filled with some pretty awesome people. I have gotten opportunities to do things with my time that not everyone gets to do. I have been able to focus on myself, and my own spiritual well-being for 21 years, which is pretty neat. And let me tell you, I still don't have it all figured out (obviously).
So maybe love is the answer to my search. But perhaps this love involves something other than Dr. Mcdreamy. I'm thinkin' that my love story involves a weary soul and a merciful Creator. And to be honest. . . I'm likin' the sound of that. How can I go wrong with the one who: knows me better than anyone on this earth, will never desert me or cause me harm, and who is always there no matter what I do. I think I got lucky here. I'm in love with the only perfect thing that exists, and the best part is He loves me right back!
So, grandma, the reason I don't have a boyfriend is not because I'm not worthy of true love, it's because Jesus has a hold on my heart and he won't give it away to just anyone!

Is falling in love the secret to life?